An Alternative Glossary of Footballing Terminology

Football quotes, remarks, terms and descriptions are open to a minefield of interpretation and analysis, so here is a list of often heard, sometimes overused classic football related remarks, and what they really mean!

# Great vision  =  Does not see a simple pass.

# A very experienced player  =  A bit over the hill.

# Temperamental  =  Nutcase.

# Not afraid to take people on  =  Blissfully unaware of team-mates screaming for him to pass the ball.

# He did everything right but put the ball in the net  =  He can't finish.

# I'm happy with the squad I've got  =  The board has told me I'm not getting another penny to spend on players.

# Loyal club player  =  Never had an offer from another club.

# Workrate is excellent  =  Runs around the pitch like a  headless chicken, but never gets the ball.

# That's what the cup is all about, the whole town is buzzing  =  The butcher has put a rosette in his window.

# We're just going out to enjoy ourselves  =  We haven't a hope in hell of winning.

# We'll settle for a replay  =  We need the money.

# He was on fire today  =  His contract's up for negotiation.

# He's still learning  =  He's rubbish, but he's young, so there's hope.

# Creative player  =  Bit namby-pamby but can pass a ball.

# Looks to be struggling with his knee  =  Knows he's played rubbish and is about to be substituted.

# An ambitious effort  =  Hopelessly wayward shot from 30 yards.

# He got too much purchase on that  =  Open goal, head back and blazed the ball over.

# Good footballing brain  =  Brain contains basically what you find in a football.

# This is real cat-and-mouse stuff  =  Neither team has had a shot at goal.

# You'd expect him to do better from there  =  He missed from three yards out.

# He was given too much space  =  The marking was diabolical.

# I wouldn't write them off yet  =  They're dead and buried.

# Which is why it's such a wonderful game  =  I'm wrong again.