John Carter Finds Nemo Aboard the Axiom. Not Really.

John Carter.

Not A Review.

Used to be known as John Carter Of Mars.

Based on A Princess Of Mars,

Which is a sci-fi fantasy novel by Edgar Rice Burroughs,

Which was written and published in...

Wait for it...

1917.

It's directed by Andrew Stanton, BTW.

The guy who also did Finding Nemo and WALL-E.

Yup, another Pixar director goes into live-action,

Brad Bird did it first with Mission Impossible 4.

eh, does that mean that the Zodanga planet-eating city,

Is a BIG EVIL version of WALL-E?

Which killed off all the Nemos on Bassoom,

By eating up the seas?

Ok, this buff dude up here is Taylor Kitsch.

He was Gambit in Wolverine, remember?

The guy who didn't actually do much?

Anyway, he was not bad here,

But what's up with his gruff Batman voice?

Oooh look, aliens!

With horns!

kinda reminded me of thos Kamino aliens in Star Wars,

The ones that made those damn clones.

Except these have horns and FOUR arms.

Ooooh, hot chick.

Don't know who she was though.

But she's hot in a kinda tough, strong kinda way.

Cleavage rating: 7.

She sure is better than Gemma Arteton at falling about the desert though.

(Update: Apparently she was Silverfox in Wolverine as well)

(Gee, Gambit and Silverfox in their own movie...)

The action and the effects quite good wor.

I especially liked the airships,

Got a bit of a steam punk vibe to them.

And they look damn graceful when flying too.

DOGGIE! DOGGIE WOGGIE!

Oh wait, what IS that?

It acts liek a dog, licks like a dog,

But it runs like Road Runner,

And looks like the giant slug that nearly ate the Millennium Falcon.

But it's SO CUTE! 

Ok, the story was a bit meh.

But it WAS kinda well executed if you ask me.

There was even a small twist in the end!

And the visual effects were good,

The action was not bad,

And there was eye candy for both guys and girls.

BARSOOM WINS!