HOLY CAT ON A BATPOD, BATMAN!

The Dark Knight Rises.
Not a review.
HOLY BAT IN THE BAT, BATMAN.
GODDAMN, BATMAN.
I've watched this twice already,
And I STILL wanna go watch it again.



BATMAN! BANE!
CATWOMAN! (oh wait, she's only called Selina Kyle here)
THE BATCAVE! (oooh, gloomy)
THE BATPOD! (Holy Cat on a Batpod, Batman!)
THE BAT! (This isn't a car)
*fanboy hyperventtlates*
Ahem.



Make no mistake about it: This ain't no Avengers.
It's not a superhero movie.
It's a serious, intellectual, socially-aware movie,
Which just HAPPENS to have a superhero in it.
Nolan isn't interested in appeasing the fanboys.
(Besides, you've got The Avengers for that sort of thing.)
He didn't set out to make a Batman movie,
He set out to make a movie with Batman in it.
There's a difference there, you know.



Anyway, to the Batcave!
Knightfall! No Man's Land!
Nolan didn't follow the comics per se,
But there are so many comic book threads here.
Most Batman fans wouldn't be surprised at the twists,
Unless you're the type who don't read the comics, of course.



I actually liked Batman a lot more here than in TDK,
It showed the fact that although he is a so-called 'superhero',
He is still a MAN, first and foremost.
A man who CAN be broken, both mentally and physically.
Bale's Batman has never been more vulnerable,
And as a result, when the inevitable rise happens,
You get a sense that HE. IS. THE. BATMAN.



Bale's Batman has never been the finished article to me.
He is not the crimefighting machine he is in the cartoons of comics.
In fact, Nolan's movies feels like a LONG version of Batman: Year One,
Where Bruce Wayne is still LEARNING to be Batman.
Of what he must do to become Batman, the cold crimefighting machine.



Catwoman!
At first I thought she wasn't really essential to the movie,
But she is, she really is.
She just lights up the movie every time she's on,
And keeps it from being a sausage-filled brawlfest.
I really liked the fact that her 'cat ears' are her goggles.
Cleavage rating: 8.5
Ass on a Batpod rating: OFF THE CHARTS.



BANE.
Holy crap, Tom Hardy. IS that really you?
There's no Venom here, or lucha libre mask,
But this Bane is TERRIFYING.
Yes, even when he talks.
At first the rather flippant tone was a bit jarring,
But later, coming from THAT imposing figure,
That voice was rather.... disconcerting.
Not scary... DISCONCERTINGLY DISTURBING.



The supporting characters get a lot more time too.
Alfred was a very emotional character for me,
Lucius Fox is GOD (and not just because he's Morgan Freeman)
Oooh, Marion Cotillard.
Cleavage rating: 8
Oh, and there's Joseph Gordon Lewitt also.
It's like Inception all over again.



It's not perfect.
There are parts where it DOES sag a little,
And there are a little TOO many monologues for my liking.
Some parts I only managed to understand after the 2nd time,
(including some of Bane's dialogue too)
But it's still a solid, solid movie.
And a fitting end to Nolan's Batman trilogy.
It's also better than 90% of the superhero movies out there.



Sooo....
Is it better than The Dark Knight?
WHO BLOODY CARES?
AND WHY DOES IT BLOODY MATTER?
The Dark Knight set an UNPRECEDENTED standard,
The bar was set SO HIGH that not even Nolan can pass it.
And he knows it, so he didn't set out to do so.
The Dark Knight Rises is its own beast,
And what a beast it is.