HOLY CAT ON A BATPOD, BATMAN!

The Dark Knight Rises.
Not a review.
HOLY BAT IN THE BAT, BATMAN.
GODDAMN, BATMAN.
I've watched this twice already,
And I STILL wanna go watch it again.



BATMAN! BANE!
CATWOMAN! (oh wait, she's only called Selina Kyle here)
THE BATCAVE! (oooh, gloomy)
THE BATPOD! (Holy Cat on a Batpod, Batman!)
THE BAT! (This isn't a car)
*fanboy hyperventtlates*
Ahem.



Make no mistake about it: This ain't no Avengers.
It's not a superhero movie.
It's a serious, intellectual, socially-aware movie,
Which just HAPPENS to have a superhero in it.
Nolan isn't interested in appeasing the fanboys.
(Besides, you've got The Avengers for that sort of thing.)
He didn't set out to make a Batman movie,
He set out to make a movie with Batman in it.
There's a difference there, you know.



Anyway, to the Batcave!
Knightfall! No Man's Land!
Nolan didn't follow the comics per se,
But there are so many comic book threads here.
Most Batman fans wouldn't be surprised at the twists,
Unless you're the type who don't read the comics, of course.



I actually liked Batman a lot more here than in TDK,
It showed the fact that although he is a so-called 'superhero',
He is still a MAN, first and foremost.
A man who CAN be broken, both mentally and physically.
Bale's Batman has never been more vulnerable,
And as a result, when the inevitable rise happens,
You get a sense that HE. IS. THE. BATMAN.



Bale's Batman has never been the finished article to me.
He is not the crimefighting machine he is in the cartoons of comics.
In fact, Nolan's movies feels like a LONG version of Batman: Year One,
Where Bruce Wayne is still LEARNING to be Batman.
Of what he must do to become Batman, the cold crimefighting machine.



Catwoman!
At first I thought she wasn't really essential to the movie,
But she is, she really is.
She just lights up the movie every time she's on,
And keeps it from being a sausage-filled brawlfest.
I really liked the fact that her 'cat ears' are her goggles.
Cleavage rating: 8.5
Ass on a Batpod rating: OFF THE CHARTS.



BANE.
Holy crap, Tom Hardy. IS that really you?
There's no Venom here, or lucha libre mask,
But this Bane is TERRIFYING.
Yes, even when he talks.
At first the rather flippant tone was a bit jarring,
But later, coming from THAT imposing figure,
That voice was rather.... disconcerting.
Not scary... DISCONCERTINGLY DISTURBING.



The supporting characters get a lot more time too.
Alfred was a very emotional character for me,
Lucius Fox is GOD (and not just because he's Morgan Freeman)
Oooh, Marion Cotillard.
Cleavage rating: 8
Oh, and there's Joseph Gordon Lewitt also.
It's like Inception all over again.



It's not perfect.
There are parts where it DOES sag a little,
And there are a little TOO many monologues for my liking.
Some parts I only managed to understand after the 2nd time,
(including some of Bane's dialogue too)
But it's still a solid, solid movie.
And a fitting end to Nolan's Batman trilogy.
It's also better than 90% of the superhero movies out there.



Sooo....
Is it better than The Dark Knight?
WHO BLOODY CARES?
AND WHY DOES IT BLOODY MATTER?
The Dark Knight set an UNPRECEDENTED standard,
The bar was set SO HIGH that not even Nolan can pass it.
And he knows it, so he didn't set out to do so.
The Dark Knight Rises is its own beast,
And what a beast it is.

Amazing Webslinging, Not So Amazing Story

The Amazing Spider-Man
Not a review.
Directed by a guy named... Mark WEBB.
I see what you did there, Sony.
Whether you enjoy this or not,
Depends on how you define "Amazing" actually.
This movie? There were Amazing parts.
And there were NOT so Amazing parts too.




Me, I found the webslinging this time REALLY AMAZING.
It was more than amazing, it was SPECTACULAR
The way the camera twirls around, zooms in, sooms out...
The first-person POV at times was giddyingly awesome
And it really makes Sam Raimi's Spidey moves look dated.
Also love the webshooters. Organic webs? BAH!



Andrew Garfield is also not bad.
More Ultimate Peter Parker than the normal Marvel one.
He's not Tobey Macguire, that's for sure.
Tobey was more nerdy, more boy scout-like.
Garfield is a bit more edgy and cool,
But a bit TOO pretty boy lor.
And too GODDAMN EMO FFS.



Oooh, Emma Stone.
I've always liked Emma Stone.
And Emma Stone as Gwen Stacy? WIN!
Though if they make a sequel to this,
And put in the Green Goblin,
Then we can pretty much tell what happens next...



I also liked how the story is more realistic.
It's grittier, more obvioulsy set in the real world,
And doesn't have the "comic book feel" of Raimi's films.
It's more Ultimate Spider-man than the normal Marvel-verse.
Which I think is great.



Now for the not so amazing part.
The story's a bit too "Been There Done That"
Come on lah,
Spider-Man's origin story has been done TO DEATH.
EVERYONE knows the story by now.
Radioactive spider, Uncle Ben, Aunt May,
Great Power... Great Responsibliblablablabla
EVERYONE KNOWS IT.
SO WHY DO IT AGAIN???



Yes, they've TWEAKED the origin a little here and there,
But it's still essentially the same story,
Just with a different villain
(who is pretty unmemorable, if you ask me)
(Not Curt Connors' fault, more the Lizard's fault).



Seriously, if they wanted to reboot it,
Why not just assume that everyone already knows the origin,
And use an entirely new story instead?
Why rehash the origin story AGAIN,
A story that is probably more well-known now than Snow White.



I'm not saying this is a bad film.
It's just a been too familiar.
Everytime there was a scene WITHOUT Spider-man
You just wish you could FAST FORWARD.
It's like watching a movie for the 2nd time,
You can guess what's coming next,
So you just want to skip to the awesome parts instead.



but if you DO watch it,
Watch it in IMAX.
The action and the webslinging are AWESOME.
AMAZING, SPECTACULAR, and AWESOME.
It's everything you wanted a Spider-man movie to be like.
If there weren't already three spider-man movies before this...

Bat, Cat and Bane, Hanging on the Wall...

The Avengers? So last month. Spider-man? HAH!

ALL RISE FOR THE NEW MOST-ANTICIPATED MOVIE OF THE YEAR:

And as if that new Dark Knight Rises poster wasn't enough to get me excited over all things Batman already, they went and release SIX, yes SIX new character posters featuring the three main characters in the movie.

First up, Batman looking as moody and brooding as ever:

And the very scary looking Bane:

Yup, banish that stupid, dumbass, idiotic brute of a Bane from Batman Forever err... forever from your minds, for this is Bane at his most sinister and most chilling yet.

The clincher for me though, is of course... CATWOMAN:

I'm not convinced by the mask though. But hey, it's Anne Hathaway. In a leather catsuit. Straddling a BATPOD. A BATPOD. HOLY PRINCESS CATWOMAN, BATMAN.

AVENGERS! ASSEMBLED AND AWESOME!

The Avengers.
Not a Review.
FINALLY ASSEMBLED!
AND AWESOME!
Joss Whedon is God.
But first, let's here it from the Avengers themselves.

This is Captain America.
I will lead you into this review.
I'm still a bit old fashion,
Maybe a little goody goody
And my costume still looks silly,
But boy do I kick ass.

Hi, billionaire playboy philanthropist here.
I'm still awesome.
And do a whole lot more than the rest hehe,
But I kid, I kid,
No, really, I'm still fucking awesome.
And there's no other way to say that.
AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME.

It is I, Thor!
Thou will do well to listen to me!
For I am the mighty THOR!
Marvel at my Point Break hair!
Be dazzled as call upon lightning,
And argue with my brother!
For verily, I am still emo and angsty,
But Hulk loves me!
Does thou not love me, Hulk?
Hulk?

HULK SMASH!
HULK IS AWESOME!
HULK LIKE NEW BANNER!
HULK DO MORE THAN SMASH!
HULK FUNNY TOO!
LAUGH OR HULK SMASH YOU!
SMASH! GRRWWARR!!!

Agent Romanoff here.
Sorry sir, I'm not here to play nice.
I ain't no token female hero.
I ain't no whiny love interest either.
Think of me that way, and I'll kick your ass.
And still look fabulous at the same time.
(Oh, and you better give me a 10/10 Cleavage Rating)
Or I'll manipulate your ASS off you.

Hawkeye reporting in.
Don't ya make fun of my arrows.
Or I'll put one in your eye.
My arrows may not look like much,
But I sure know how to use them.
Now bring on Bourne.

Fury here.
GET THOSE MOTHERFUCKING ALIENS OFF MY MOTHERFUCKING PLANET!
And get that skinnyass Loki in here.
I'm gonna kick his skinny ass back to Asgard.
Oh wait, I have a team to do that for me now.
Go kick some motherfucking alien and god ass, team.

THAT is how you make a superhero teamup movie.
Whedon gave EVERYONE their turn to shine,
Great action, lots of superhero bustups,
And none of the characters were there to make up the numbers.
(ok, except maybe Robi... er.. Maria Hill.)
But why hor, do all the blockbusters' Earth-shattering devices,
All come in a shape of a CUBE?

Oh well, who cares,
In case you're still wondering,
THIS IS AWESOME.
It's gonna be hard for Batman to top THIS.
(Though I doubt Nolan cares about topping this)

Go watch this in IMAX if you can,
Oh, and stay for a little while after the movie.
There's a little something midway through the credits.
Something Marvel fans will be salivating over,
(and which the general population will be scratching their heads over hehe.
JOSS WHEDON IS GOD.

I Wanna Watch Ghost Rider Ride a Tuk Tuk.

Ghost Rider: The Spirit Of Vengeance

Not a Review.

Good news is, this doesn't burn as badly as the first one.

But that isn't saying much.

It flickers here and there,

But doesn't really spark.

Yes, it's the whole Son of Satan angle again.

Satan wants to take over the kid's body and take over the world.

Yadda yadda yadda.

SO ORIGINAL OHMYGOD

It's the GHOST RIDER for fucks sake,

Give him a better story lar idiots!

Sheesh.

And a better bad guy to fight.

That Blackout decaying dude was so annoying and lame.

BAH.

OK lar, visually Ghost Rider looks awesome.

I mean, it's a SKULL. ON FIRE.

With a BIKE. On FIRE.

Anything is cool when it is on fire.

Except when it burns down homes and shit of course.

Then fire is not so awesome anymore.

Anyway, apparently everything he "rides",

Turns into an awesome flaming thingamajig.

MAkes you wonder what will happen if he rides a skateboard,

Or a bicycle, or a scooter.

Or hey, what about a tuk tuk!

Hmmmm. Ghost Tuk Tuk Rider.

Now I'd pay to see THAT.

The chick quite hot ler,

But no Cleavage Rating.

WHYYYYYY

And she doesn't really do much either.

Besides being the mother of the Son of Satan.

Wish it was still Eva Mendes.

She was hotter than the Ghost Rider in the first movie.

And she didn't even need to be on fire heh heh.

Seriously, Nick Cage,

Please stop trying to make superhero movies.

You're just not cut out for that shit.

He's suitably tortured and insane at times here,

But he just doesn't have that Johnny Blaze look.

Even the flaming skull looks better, Nick.

The New 52 is Nothing Like The Old 52

IF you're a fan of comics, especially DC Comics, you would probably have heard of the DC's New 52, a completely new reboot of the DC Universe that had 52, yes FIFTY TWO, new #1s, including new takes on Superman, Wonder Woman, The Flash, and the Jusitce League among others.

Thanks to my iPad, I've managed to get most of the titles through the DC app (and er.. other means), and have read almost every single one of the titles. I've liked some of the new titles, and hated some.



It started out with the new Justice League #01, which was interesting enough, featuring Batman, Green LAntern and Superman apparently meeting for the first time. It's an intriguing start to the new series, and I'll definitely be er.. acquiring the next issue later.

The most significant change in the New 52 BTW, is that Superman doesn't wear his underwear on the outside anymore:



Ok, there are two new Superman titles in the New 52. The one above is Grant Morrison's take on the Man of Steel, through the new Action Comics #01, where Superman is still starting out with this whole superhero shit, and is a little bit more cocky and less goody goody than you're used to seeing him. Oh, and he wears JEANS. Awesome.

Well, I loved it a lot more than Superman #01, which I thought was a little too messy for my liking:



Another comic I quite liked was The Flash #01:



I've always had a soft spot for The Flash (I've got er... THREE T-shirts with his lightning logo on em), and since the Flashpoint event was supposedly the whole catalyst for this New 52 reboot, I was interested to see how things would pan out for Barry Allan.

Turns out this is a pretty straightforward reboot for The Flash. It's not an origin story, since we meet him when he is already an established name in Central City, but he hasn't married Iris West yet, and he's running around (heh) solving some mystery involving a friend from his past.

Nothing much happening in the first issue yet, but I think I'll stick to it for now.

Now, we move on to the main event, for me at least - the BATMAN comics.



I've been on a crazy rampage through Batman's past recent comics lately, having read No Man's LAnd, Streets of Gotham, the awesome Gotham Central, Gotham Knights in quick succession, and even the frankly lousy Batman RIP and Return of Bruce Wayne arcs (Batman Inc. is pretty interesting though, I have to admit).

The New 52 is a strange one for The Dark Knight. On one hand, in Detective Comics and Batman: The Dark Knight #01, he seems to be starting a brand new arc.



In Batman & Robin #01 however, he seems to be continuing on in the main continuity , with Damien Wayne (yes, Bruce's son) as Robin. The same seems to hold true with Batman #01 as well, which was great when Bruce Wayne was shown together with all three Robins, former and present (minus Jason Todd, of course). And then, there's the OTHER Batman-related titles like Nightwing, Birds Of Prey and Huntress...

Oh, and how could I forget THIS kinky little minx?



Catwoman #01 has caused a bit of a controversy with all the sexy, scantily-clad action she gets into, and THAT sex scene at the end of it, but frankly speaking, it's CATWOMAN. You DO expect some amount of tits and asses in this title after all, though the artist seriously needs to do more er... research for the next time he draws a sex scene - I mean, HOLY HENTAI SHIT, BATMAN, whaddafuck kinda position is THAT?

Overall, I thought the whole New 52 exercise is a pretty interesting one. The main characters - Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, The Flash and Green Lantern - have pretty promising titles, while I also liked some of the lesser known ones such as Animal Man, Teen Titans, All Star Western (Jonah Hex!), Justice League International, and Justice League Dark (John Constantine FTW!). Some, like Red Hood And The Outlaws and Legion Of Superheroes are pretty bad though, and others like Captain Atom and Hawk And Dove just couldn't hold my attention.

The New 52 has definitely gotten me more interested in reading the DC titles again, and it should be interesting to see just how far the company is willing to take this. For now, some of the titles have gotten me hooked to reading comics again, and it's been great fun keeping up with the New 52 so far.