AVENGERS! ASSEMBLED AND AWESOME!

The Avengers.
Not a Review.
FINALLY ASSEMBLED!
AND AWESOME!
Joss Whedon is God.
But first, let's here it from the Avengers themselves.

This is Captain America.
I will lead you into this review.
I'm still a bit old fashion,
Maybe a little goody goody
And my costume still looks silly,
But boy do I kick ass.

Hi, billionaire playboy philanthropist here.
I'm still awesome.
And do a whole lot more than the rest hehe,
But I kid, I kid,
No, really, I'm still fucking awesome.
And there's no other way to say that.
AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME.

It is I, Thor!
Thou will do well to listen to me!
For I am the mighty THOR!
Marvel at my Point Break hair!
Be dazzled as call upon lightning,
And argue with my brother!
For verily, I am still emo and angsty,
But Hulk loves me!
Does thou not love me, Hulk?
Hulk?

HULK SMASH!
HULK IS AWESOME!
HULK LIKE NEW BANNER!
HULK DO MORE THAN SMASH!
HULK FUNNY TOO!
LAUGH OR HULK SMASH YOU!
SMASH! GRRWWARR!!!

Agent Romanoff here.
Sorry sir, I'm not here to play nice.
I ain't no token female hero.
I ain't no whiny love interest either.
Think of me that way, and I'll kick your ass.
And still look fabulous at the same time.
(Oh, and you better give me a 10/10 Cleavage Rating)
Or I'll manipulate your ASS off you.

Hawkeye reporting in.
Don't ya make fun of my arrows.
Or I'll put one in your eye.
My arrows may not look like much,
But I sure know how to use them.
Now bring on Bourne.

Fury here.
GET THOSE MOTHERFUCKING ALIENS OFF MY MOTHERFUCKING PLANET!
And get that skinnyass Loki in here.
I'm gonna kick his skinny ass back to Asgard.
Oh wait, I have a team to do that for me now.
Go kick some motherfucking alien and god ass, team.

THAT is how you make a superhero teamup movie.
Whedon gave EVERYONE their turn to shine,
Great action, lots of superhero bustups,
And none of the characters were there to make up the numbers.
(ok, except maybe Robi... er.. Maria Hill.)
But why hor, do all the blockbusters' Earth-shattering devices,
All come in a shape of a CUBE?

Oh well, who cares,
In case you're still wondering,
THIS IS AWESOME.
It's gonna be hard for Batman to top THIS.
(Though I doubt Nolan cares about topping this)

Go watch this in IMAX if you can,
Oh, and stay for a little while after the movie.
There's a little something midway through the credits.
Something Marvel fans will be salivating over,
(and which the general population will be scratching their heads over hehe.
JOSS WHEDON IS GOD.

Assembly Almost Complete

Loook who's baaaackkk.....



Oh dear. But nary you fear! For where there is Loki, there will be...

THOR!!!



THOR!!!



THOORRRRR!!!!!



Ok enough Thor.

Oh wait, here he is again. Who's he fighting here?



Captain America! FUCK YEAH!



He's here to save the motherfucking day yeah!



oooh lookie lookie hubba hubba, Black Widow!



Hmmm, she looks really hot in red, short hair and black leather... hur hur hur.



Here's the boss... Mace Windu in an eye patch!



Shouldn't the bazooka be purple, Mr Fury?




Introducing... Hawkeye!



That bow looks kinda flimsy, dude. At least you know how to use it...



And HEEEERREEEE'SS Bruce Banner!



HULK SMASSSSHH!!!!!



And finally, last, but DEFINITELY not least....

IRON MAN!!!



a.k.a. genius billionaire playboy philanthropist. Heh.



Put em all together, and what do you get?

Oh come on, you know what this is...



AVENGERS!!!



ASSEMBLE!!!!

(in May 2012. Pah)

BTW, click the logo to see the new trailer!

Captain America! Fuck Yeah!

Captain America: The First Avenger
Not A Review.
Captain America! Fuck Yeah!
Coming round to save the motherfuckin' day yeah!
Captain America! Fuck Yeah!
The Avengers is the only film left!
Fuck Yeah!

The costume is still damn dorky loh.

But they managed to explain it pretty well.

You should see the first time he wears it heh heh.

But later on it was ok.

Still dorky, but at least he kicks ass in it.

Chris Evans! Fuck Yeah!

Much better than expected.

I actually like him more here than in Fantastic Four.

Maybe cos he doesn't look so cocky.

But more goody goody heh heh.

Oooh, who's that chick?

Hayley Atwell? never heard of her.

She's pretty hot.

And even though got no cleavage rating,

Her Uniformed Rating is off the charts.

Nothing hotter than a girl in a uniform.

(Unless she's in a uniform AND also wearing glasses.

(And holding a machine gun)

Their love story was quite bittersweet,

So emo, sniff sniff.

And the shield is pretty awesome too.

But they don't explain why it comes back after he throws it.

Did he train himself to do that?

Did Howard Stark fix a magnet to his hand?

Is Captain America secretly an Australian?

Hugo Weaving AGAIN?

What is he, the ONLY person who can play a villain?

Oh wait, Mark Strong's been around a lot lately too.

Red Skull was ok,

Though when they first revealed the red head,

It reminded me of The Mask.

Almost expected him to start calling himself Cuban Pete.

(And start doing the rhumba beat)

Tommy Lee Jones! Funny!

Howard Stark! Not Tony but still fun!

Bucky! Er... carry on....

Dum Dum Dugan! Nice hat!

Howling Commandos! Not much howling done!

It's actually better than I expected.

Probably cos I had VERY LOW expectations.

I quite liked Thor,

But surprisingly, this was better.

At least I enjoyed it.

The pacing was more consistent,

And the action was decent.

Just ignore all the 'RA RA AMERICA' stuff lah...

Oh, remember to wait till the end of the credits for an extra scene,

It's one easter egg worth assembling for, I'll tell you that.

We've got Iron Man, Hulk, Thor,

And now Captain America...

Next up, The Avengers!

TIME TO ASSEMBLE!

(Well, I'm not green, so that means I'm not the Hulk...)

Quiz Bodoh Kapitan America

What is Captain America's real name?

(a) Steve Rogers

(b) Buck Rogers

(c) Kenny Rogers

Which America is Captain America from?

(a) North America
(b) Central America
(c) South America

What weapon does Captain America use?

(a) Shuriken

(b) Lightsabers

(c) A very flat wok

What happens when Captain America's shield gets stuck in a tree? Does he:

(a) whistle for it

(b) climb the tree

(c) call Tony Stark

What happens when Captain America gets demoted? Will he be called:

(a) Sergeant America

(a) Major America

(c) Private America

What happens when Red Skull gets a Blue Lantern Ring?

(a) turn purple

(b) stash it with the rest of his jewelry

(c) defect to DC

What would you call Captain America if he wins Miss America?

(a) Captain Miss America

(b) Miss Captain America

(c) Captain I-Am-A-Girl

What coffee does Captain America drink?

(a) Cafe 50

(b) Starbucky's

(c) Kopitiam Americano

Which reality show would Captain America win?

(a) American Idol

(b) X-Factor

(c) So You Think You Can Die