On...ly.. Youuuu, Can Make Me Laugh, So Haaaaard....

Journey To The West.
西游: 降魔篇
Not a review.
Dear Stephen Chow:
On...ly... YOUUUUUU,
Can make me laugh so hard.
On...ly... YOUUUUUU,
Can be so mou lei tao....



Welcome back, Mr. Chow!
(No not THAT Mr Chow, the one from Hangover)
(STEPHEN CHOW SING CHI LAAAR)
Been a while since I laughed at so many stupid things in a movie.
All hail His Royal Mou-Lei-Tao-ness!
So what if he is only directing the show,
And not actually IN it?



Is it funny? Oh yeah, it's funny.
At least I thought it was pretty damn fun.
And look, not a single fart joke in sight!
So many awesome lines. Awesomely silly lines,
And the best and funniest use of fake blood EVAR.



There's drama, romance, action, even some horror,
And amid all that,
The slapstick mou lei tao comedy never seemed out of place.
Shu Qi is quite funny too!
Oooh, and that Chrissie Chau chick is HOT.



And someone give Huang Bo an award,
His Monkey King was AWESOME.
Funny, mischievous, and fun at first,
He's also super scary when he wants to be.
Especially in monkey form.
Now THAT'S a convincing Sun Wu Kong!



Ok, maybe I'm just bias.
I REALLY wanted this to be good.
But I still went into the show with low expectations.
Happily, I had a whole lot of fun!
I think not being in front of the camera really helped him,
Somehow, the movie seemed to flow along pretty smoothly for me.



Ok sure, the CGI effects aren't THAT great,
But don't compare to Transformers or LOTR lar.
If you'd seen that stupid Jet Li White Snake show,
(The one with HOT CHICK SNAKE LESBIAN ACTION)
You'd reckon JTOW's effects are pretty decent.
Kinda reminded me of Kungfu Hustle & Shaolin Soccer too much at times though



Oh well, if you don't like this one,
You could always go back and watch the old 1994 ones,
Chinese Odessey 1 & 2 - Pandora's Box & Cinderella.
I loved that time-travelling thingy,
And the BO YE BO LO MI! cry,
And of course, THAT song.
Come on, altogether now!
ON...Ly.. YOUUUUUU

Stop Preaching And Beat Up Some Bad Guys Already, Jackie.

CZ12.
十二生肖
Not a review.
After all that mucking about with dramatic roles,
Jackie Chan is back!
Well, sort of.
He goes back to the old school sort of stunts and action,
But it's very clear that he's too old for this shit already.



I missed this Jackie Chan.
The one that used to fall off clock towers,
Hang off buses with umbrellas,
And fly around KL on a helicopter rope ladder.
Sure, he's older now, And not so fast,
even when he's wearing a roller suit.



Ok, the plot is pretty dumb,
and the middle part in the jungle is jawdroppingly BAD
(featuring the stupidest pirates ever filmed)
The dialouge is HORRENDOUS.
English? French? Mandarin?
MAKE UP YOUR MIND ALREADY.
AND WHO THE HELL TALKS LIKE THAT???



Hmmm, cute girl though.
But VERY VERY Annoyingly self-righteous.
Wanted to slap her a few times.
No cleavage rating though.
But really, if you wanted cleavage,
You should have gone to the recent press conference in KL
She didn't just show cleavage,
She was almost TOPLESS.
(No, I can't publish those photos here, heh)




Still, it's Jackie Chan.
The action is still pretty good.
The sofa fight against the Vulture was great,
And that final fight in the factory was awesome,
but still a bit tame by his earlier standards
And he recycled all his old tricks,
Like, stop whacking your balls with sticks already, Jackie.



Oh, and yes we get it, Jackie.
Stolen national relics should go back to their countries.
Doesn't mean you have to keep HAMMERING on about it.
To the point of being overwhelmingly PREACHY.
go beat up some bad guys already.

KUNGFU! STATE OF THE ART! CHOP-SOCKY HEEEYAH!

Tai Chi Zero
太极 1
Not A Review.
Yes, I'm aware that the English name is ZERO
But the Chinese one is ONE.
Don't ask me why.
Well, the 2nd movie is supposed to be TAI CHI HERO.
ZERO to HERO, geddit? Sheesh.
What's the 3rd movie gonna be called?
Tai Chi Trio? Tai Chi Oreo? Tai Chi Gigolo?



Anyway, I had a BAAAAD feeling about this.
Because I saw a ENGLISH trailer for this during Dredd,
Which had the WORSE CHOP-SOCKY VOICEOVER EVER.
A KUNGFU STEAMPUNK THROWDOWN!
FIGHTING! KUNGFU! STATE OF THE ART!
CHOP-SOCKY HEEEYAH!



But surprisingly, this was not bad wor.
I was fairly entertained,
And I didn't cringe too much.
Which is a good thing.
Despite the crappy English dialogue,
And some facepalm moments.



The video game bits were quite fun!
Got funny little touches here and there,
Like Scott Pilgrim vs The World!
And got Street fighter scene also WTF.
But at least they were fun!
And not annoying!



The Steampunk parts were a bit dumb though.
WAH THE ANG MOH GOT AWESOME ROBOT HOUSE-EATING MACHINE!
HOW CAN THE PUNY KUNGFU BEAT THAT!
In the end it just distracted from the TAI CHI.
You'd think they'd use tai-chi to defeat the robot,
But NOOOO... first thing they say when they see it is:
"Our tai chi cannot defeat that."
*Facepalm*
COME ON, TAI CHI THE NUTS OFF THE DAMN ROBOT ALREADY.



And the story OMG.
HOW MANY TIMES YOU WANNA DO THE EAST VS WEST THING AGAIN?
EVERY Kungfu movie is about the kungfu vs angmoh thing.
I know it's what happened during that "period" in history,
BUT COME ON, ENOUGH OF THE SAME OLD SHIT ALREADY.
GET AN IMAGINATION AND COME UP WITH SOMETHING ORIGINAL PLEASE.



The fighting? Not bad wor.
The lead fella is wushu champion,
So he is damn good.
(Acting a bit kayu, but not still bad)
But I wish they didn't edit so much and so quickly.
I hate it when fights are editted so much,
Until nothing but a bunch of legs and fists flailing about.



Hmmm, Angelababy.
Not too bad, cute, but a bit kayu.
Convincing fighting though.
(BTW why does her forehead look too big for her chin?)
Tony Leung (Kar Fai, not Chiu Wai) not bad also.
Though you saw who he was a MILE away.
The bad guy was annoying like hell though.
And looks kinda stupid in that hat.



Ok lah, I quite liked it.
It's not GREAT, but fun in a mindless sort of way.
The second one seems more serious though, I think.
The hero not so bodoh giler already.
He's supposed to be some kungfu legend BTW.
So yeah, MORE FIGHTING LESS ROBOT PLEASE KTHNXBAI.

Jackie Chan's 100th Movie is Not a Jackie Chan Movie

1911
辛亥革命
Not a Review
It's Jackie Chan's 100th movie.
But it's not a typical Jackie Chan movie.
It's very, very serious,
And very historical and talky.
If you just wanna see Jackie fight,
You'd be pretty bored.
The only funny part of the movie,
Was when they called Penang 'Penang Pulau'
WTF.



Nope, no Jackie falling off buildings,
No Jackie fighting baddies (only one SMALL fight nia)
No Jackie being funny
No Jackie using ladders or umbrellas to fight.
Just Jackie being very serious and drama-rama.
And acting pretty well too, if I may add.



That's not saying this is a bad movie though.
It just isn't a Jackie Chan movie.

Unfortunately, everyone is talking about it like it is.

Even the pictures I found are all Jackie only.
This is almost like a documentary.
All about history and actual events.
Very educational, actually.



Anyway,
It's about the Xinhai Revolution in China,
WAAAAY back in 1911 (duh),
when they overthrew the Qing Dynasty,
which means that finally, after more than 200 years,
CHINA HAD NO MORE EMPEROR.
Very important bit of history, this.
Worth finding out more about.



Like I said, it's a serious historical epic.
I liked it because I liked all this history history stuff.
Not sure how accurate it is lar.
And I think got a fair bit of romanticizing also.
But if you just want to see Jackie Chan fight,
Go watch Police Story or Project A again.

WU HU! Donnie Yen Kicks Ass! (Again)

Wu Xia
武侠
Not a review.
Wah Donnie Yen again!
Why always him wan ar?
No one else can fight as good as him ar?
Oh yeah, there isn't.
Oh well...



Fooyor the story damn mystery mystery.
It's not all fight fight kill kill.
Got CSI scene also wan ok!
Kinda reminded me of A History Of Violence though.
Simple guy living simple life,
But actually hor, got damn bloody past wan.



Haiyor what spoiler.
See also you know lah.
It's DONNIE YEN.
See his face only you know he's going to fight lar.
And you KNOW he is not going ot be simple simple forever.



Takeshi was a bit weird though.
Maybe cos it's the Cantonese dubbing.
But quite fun, the fella.
Like House a bit, and can do CSI CSI also.
I quite like how they analyse the 'crime scene'
A bit kua ciong but fun.



eh the girl quite cute leh,
Oooh, she was from Lust, Caution.
That means we've seen her nekkid before lor.
Heh heh.
Nothing like that here though.
But her acting here is pretty good.
Didn't realize she was from that movie until later.



The fighting not bad.
But the beginning a bit slow lor,
If you just want fight fight fight fight.
Then you'll be disappointed.
But at least they tried something new.
Takeshi was fun
Donnie was... well, Donnie.
And PHWOAR the big boss is scary power.



It's quite interesting though,
Got fight, got CSI, got drama.
I quite like the CSI parts.
But hor, the ending a bit potong.
Both metaphorically and literally.
HAHAHAHAHA.

Another Ip Man movie? That's just not hip, man.

The Legend Is Born: Ip Man
葉問前傳
Not a review.
I know what you're thinking.
"ANOTHER Ip Man movie?"
"So soon after the Ip Man 2???"
"Wah really shameless hor?"
"Samore no Donnie Yen, WTF!!??!!??"



But this is more than jsut another copycat.
It's a prequel, for one.
And it's got IP CHUN in it for gods sake.
That old man's really got it.
That fight he has with Ip Man inside a medicine shop is AWESOME.
His acting? Er, not so awesome.
But he's IP CHUN for god's sake!



Oh, that Dennis To kid not too bad.
Acting a bit kayu.
But his fighting is bloody good.
World champion Wing Chun master ok don't play play.
His Wing Chun is actually BETTER than Donnie Yen's!
He was in Ip Man 2, BTW.
He was Sammo Hung's student, the one with misai.



Not bad, this movie also got Yuen Biao
He looks damn old now though.
But that fella still can fight.
Sammo Hung also in it.
But only for a while.
But he fights Yuen Biao! Awesome!



Also got that Jin Shan Zhao guy from Ip Man 1 & 2
The one that got beaten up by Donnie with a feather duster.
Here he's some step-brother of Ip Man.
Tipu one lah, Ip Man never had a step-brother.
The story is half true half fake wan.
Make it more drama konon.



But who cares, the fighting is AWESOME.
When they're not fighitng it's a bit boring.
But when they start fighitng its pretty awesome.
I liked the fighting here more than in Ip Man 2.
But movie -wise, not so great lor.



So now what? Wong Kar Wai's Ip Man?
More Ip Man movies?
Ip Man video games? Board games?
Movies where he fights giant human centipedes?
(Yes I'm looking at you, Wong Fe Hong)
Enough already!
Too much Ip Man makes him not Hip, Man.

Close Encounter With The Son Of A Legend

Yesterday, I went for an interview with a couple of actors. I thought it would be a fairly routine interview, with the same old questions "How was it like working on the movie" "What does your character do" "Did you flirt with the lead actress" kinda shit.

Then while I was waiting for the interview outside the room, a frail looking old man came out and sat next to me quietly on the couch. So there we were, sitting quietly there not saying a word. I had no idea who he was, for all I know he was just some random old guy with a bodyguard.

After a few minutes, the PR girl came over and invited BOTH of us into the room. That was when I realized who he was:



See those three people with me? The hot chick's name is Rose Chan, and she's pretty much unknown right now (she was nice and sweet and very talkative - a sure sign she's still new and still not jaded from years of reporters questions). The guy on the far right you might recognise: he's Louis Fan Siu-Wong (樊少皇), that Kam Shan Zhao (金山找) guy from IP MAN 1 and 2 (you know, the dude whom Ip Man beat up with a feather duster...).

And that old guy in front of me? That's Ip Man's REAL LIFE SON Ip Chun (葉準).

All three of them were in town to promote the upcoming movie THE LEGEND IS BORN: IP MAN (葉問前傳), a sort of prequel to the first two movies, starring Ip Chun's real-life Wing Chun student Dennis To as a teenage Ip Man; and will be released on 24 June.

Yes, I know, this movie coming out so soon after Ip Man 2 DOES smack a little of striking the iron while it's hot and milking the franchise dry, but one thing is for sure - the fighting in this new movie should be fucking awesome. Why? Because EVERYBODY is fighting using Wing Chun, and not just Ip Man alone.

Another reason to watch it - Ip Chun (who wasn't even born yet during the period this movie is set in) will be playing one of Ip Man's three Wing Chun teachers. Yup, the real Ip Chun will be playing the master of his father Ip Man, who is played by one of Ip Chun's real students. Geddit?

But more on the movie when I not review it later. For now, Im a little upset that I sat next to Ip Chun all that time and never once tried to talk to him. If I'd known he'd be there, I'd have asked for an individual interview to grill him about his father. Sigh...

Oh well, at least I got that picture....


----------------------
(Update, 11am)

Ooooh, I just found out that I WILL have a chance to interview Ip Chun tomorrow after all. Quick, tell me: If YOU had a chance to talk to the son of the legendary Ip Man, what would YOU ask?