THUNDERING TYPHOONS! TINTIN IS TIP-TOP!

The Adventures of Tintin.
Not A Review.
TEN THOUSAND THUNDERING TYPHOONS!
BILLIONS OF BILIOUS BLUE BLISTERING BARNACLES!
IT'S TINTIN!
Directed by Steven Speilberg!
Produced by Peter Jackson!
TINTIN!
YAY!



Waddaya mean you've never heard of Tintin?
It's TINTIN, for fucks sake!
The greatest boy reporter (who doesn't report) ever!
The one with the funny pointy hair,
and the Snowy doggy who goes WOAH WOAH instead of WOOF WOOF!
And is friends with that drunk captain Haddock!
Who always swears BLISTERING BARNACLES!



The story is a combo of three books:
The Secret Of The Unicorn,
The Crab With Golden Claws,
But the movie stays very true to the comics' spirit.
It's like an actual Tintin comic come to life,
But with added Hollywod BOOM BOOOM ACTION!



Tintin is suitably ambiguous and goody goody,
Haddock is AWESOME (Give Andy Serkis an Oscar!)
Snowy is cute and fun! WOAH WOAH!
And Red Rackham's Treasure.
It's got Thompson and Thompson!
And Lady Castafiore!



After the movie, I wanted to read the books again,
Lots of Easter Eggs in the movie,
I only spotted King Ottovar's Sceptre,
But I recognise a few more things.
The Tintin comics were awesome!
And they're planning to make another one,
Based on Seven Crystal Balls and Prisoners Of The Sun,
My favorite books! WHEEE!
HOORAY FOR TINTIN!

The Lovely, Sad Bones.... Oooh Pretty!

The Lovely Bones.
Not a review.
It's lovely, and sad.
Susie Salmon! Salmon, like the fish.
Susie is so sad.
All that hope, joy snuffed out just like that.
Murdered when she was 14.



That Saoirse Ronan kid is lovely.
She made you feel so sad for Susie.
She'll grow up to be a damn good actress one day.
And not a bad looking one either.
Dammit it's Emma Watson Syndrome all over again!



That Stanley Tucci guy is pretty good,
Damn creepy, in a disturbing pervy kinda way.
No wonder he got nominated for an Oscar.
Rachel Weisz and Susan Sarandon are always great to watch,
But that Marky Mark's voice still annoys the shit outta me.
He's so-so here, good at times,
But stands out like a sore thumb next to Rachel.



I really like the imagery in the In-Between.
Especially the ships in glass bottles floating at sea,
Very poetic, very haunting, very majestic even.
But it got a bit out of hand at times though,
Don't tinker TOO MUCH with the SFX machine, Peter.



I just recently saw some of his earlier movies.
Awesome shit like Brain Dead and Heavenly Creatures.
You wouldn't believe he would later make Lord Of The Rings.
Jackson should go back to his horror schlock one of these days,
Would be interesting to see what he can do.
Here, one scene in the house was damn kan ciong ok.



I liked it.
But donno why all the critics hated it.
It's only got 32% on the Tomatometer! WTF!??!!??
But I have to admit, it doesn't do justice to Alice Sebold's book.
The book was much sadder, but hopeful.
The family drama scenes were much, much better in the book.
Go read it already, goddamit.

Go Watch District 9. And Bring a Non-Human Friend With You.

District 9
Not a Review.
Produced (not directed) by Peter Jackson.
One of the best movies of the year.
It's got aliens, robots, big guns,
Memorable characters, good action,
And above all, it actually has a STORY.
A GREAT, ORIGINAL story.



Eh? What's this documentary stuff eh?
What's with the interviews, the 'footage',
The boring flashba..... Ooooh aliens.
Oooh BIG mother-fucking-ship
Oh dear, look at the way they're treating them.
Are those really human beings?



The story here is a little depressing.
No wait, it's actually more SAD than depressing.
And it's also brutally unforgiving.
There's brutal violence, cruelty and discrimination,
Examples of having little or no disregard for life.
And worst of all,
It's all human.



No, the main story is not about the aliens at all.
It's about human beings.
There may be aliens running around on-screen,
But you are compelled to think about the ugly side of mankind.
You know how in some movies,
The aliens species always say humans are a cruel and savage race?
(I think Optimus Prime was the one who said it. How ironic...)
Well, this is it.



Go fucking watch it.
It may be a little chopped up thanks to the violence and swearing
(though they mostly missed swearing and cut the word AFTER the 'FUCK')
But it is an EXCELLENT movie.
It's got gore, humor, tragedy, drama, action,
And it even has really really cool action sequences and special effects.
Go fucking watch it.
And bring your non-human friend with you.

This Is What Heaven Looks Like...

... in Peter Jackson's adaptation of Alice Sebold's The Lovely Bones, to be exact (picture and post headline shamelessly stolen from Empire's caption...)

I'm quite curious to see how this film turns out, especially since I quite liked the book (I remember 'reviewing' it on a now defunct internet radio station with Erna once). It's got elements of a murder mystery, a ghost story, a love story, and even some fantasy thrown in at the same time. Perfect fodder for Peter Jackson? We'll see.

And if you're not done with PJ yet, you can hop on over to Empire to check out him and Guillermo Del Toro talk about the their plans for BOTH MOVIES that will make up the Lord of The Rings 4: There And Back Again (a.k.a. The Hobbit)!.