20 Reasons Why I Don't Have a Gym Membership

I got another call from a fitness center telemarketer the other day. As usual, it didn't last very long because I asked her my usual: "Do you have a badminton hall?" question and she hung up soon after that.

Anyway, everyone and their dog seems to be in a gym these days. Some are more obsessive about it than others, while some just have the membership, and are convincing themselves (sometimes unsuccessfully) to go workout, just because they paid so much for it.

A LONG LONG time ago (back in 2006, to be exact. Yes, that's how old this blog is), I actually wrote this post - How to get Eyeris to Join a Gym: An Expert Guide. So, just for the sake of balancing out the argument (and at the risk of flogging a dead horse), here are 20 reasons why I DON'T have a gym membership. And yes, some of them are rehashed. So sue me.

And YES, I KNOW that everyone has their own reasons for joining a gym and working out at a gym, and that there is a lot more variety of workouts in gyms these days, and that you love every minute of it.. Good for you. These are MY reasons for not joining a gym, so it won't apply to everyone (probably just me, actually). So there.

-------------------------------------------------

1) I have to pay HOW MUCH A MONTH to join this gym? For HOW LONG???

2) WHAT? NO BADMINTON HALL?

3) I grew up playing sports, and I cannot fathom why more people don't play sports to get fit. Ok, maybe some have injuries that prevent them from playing sports, but still....

4) For me, it's a lot more fun to play sports than to spend 2-3 hours of your time doing almost the same things over and over and over again.

5) Even if I didn't play badminton, I'd rather go out jogging in the park than jog on a treadmill in a gym. At least there's something new with every step I take.

6) NO, I don't need your advice, Mr. Fitness Coach. I'm just here to work up a sweat. Yes, I'm aware I'm not supposed to be using the weights to iron my shirt, thank you so much for your kind advice.

7) MEET PEOPLE? You're seriously telling me that people go to gym to MEET PEOPLE? THAT'S your selling point, Miss Fitness Center Telemarketer????

8) Burn what? Cardio what? Huh? Why so complicated? When do we get to kick some ass, huh?

9) I don't need six-pack abs. I have a six-pack of beer in my belly.

10) The badminton hall uncle doesn't call me up in the middle of the night asking whether I want a free trial.

11) Personal trainer? I was yelled at by a coach every day for almost a year. I don't need that kinda stressed when I exercise anymore.

12) Yes, it's convenient. Yes, you can workout on your own. But exercise is more fun when you're with friends (and when you're smashing the shit out of them or tackle the ball from under their feet. MUAHAHAHA)

13) REPITITIONS. PAH. BOOORINGGGG.

14) Seriously, if you tell yourself "I paid this much for this, so I'm gonna workout to get my money's worth!", then you're really not working out for the right reasons lor...

15) I love that rush of adrenaline you get when you score a goal or execute a brilliant shot while playing sports. Where am I gonna get that in a gym? When I hit 50km/h on the treadmill? Or cycle so fast that I break the machine?

16) At least I know that the guys I play badminton with are not just there to pick up chicks or ogle at muscle-bound men.

17) People with arms larger than my thighs scare me.

18) Oh look, naked men walking around the locker room. Nope, don't need to see that.

19) I spent a good part of 10 years of my life in gyms while training in athletics. I've had enough of that shit.

20) Seriously, I have to pay HOW MUCH for that membership? Thanks, Miss Fitness Center Telemarketer, but not thanks.

I'll Unfollow Youuuu

I'LL UNFOLLOW YOU
 
I'll unfollow youuuu,
Unfollow you because your tweets are dumb,
Your updates are nothing but shit,
I'll report you for spam just to keep you awaaay,

I'll unfollow youuuu
Ever since you dissed my friend, I knew,
That I can't stand reading your tweets,
And nothing you say is legit,
Just lots of idiocy...

CHORUS:
I'll Unfriend you, unfriend you, unfriend you
And on Twitter I'll unfollow, unfollow, unfollow,
I'll ban you from my Circles, my circles, my circles,
And block you forever, forever, forever...

I'll unfollow youuuu
Especially if you are a Manyoo fan,
Stop spamming my timeline, you dick,
I don't care for your mindless retweets,
So just go away... and you'll make my daaay!

The Eyeris Quarter Impression Rule

How I Met Your Mother is awesome. No let me rephrase that - Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother is awesome. Unfortunately, you know when you've watched WAY too much How I Met Your Mother when you actually start talking like Barney Stinson and coming up with half-baked theories about men and women, AND give those theories NAMES.

This actually happened last night, when Fireangel and I were out having way too much Kronenbourg 1664 beer and tok-kok-ing about how guys check out girls and I came up with The Eyeris Quarter Impression Rule of Courtship.

You know how people say that the first impression is the one that counts? I say nay. For guys, it's actually way before that. Before you even hit the First Impression part of the courtship, guys tend to go through two other phases first:

Quarter Impression:
Check her out from the neck down. This is to er... make sure that she is actually a she.

Once it has been established that she is actually a she (and has a body that you wouldn't mind being... ahem, close to), comes the:

Half Impression:
Check her out from the neck up. This is to see if she's good looking enough and worth mustering the courage to go talk to her and face potential rejection.

Once the Quarter and Half impressions have been made (and is positive), THEN comes the:

First Impression:
Actually talking to her and getting to know her.

Ok fine, it's a little sad and maybe a little (ok, VERY) shallow, but if you think about it, this really is true (Admit it, guys!). And besides, it's a half-baked theory cooked up when I was high on beer. So yeah, it might be a little flawed (heh heh).

But hey, that goes to show that with a little (ok, A LOT OF) beer and some good tok-kok-ing company around, ANYONE can be Barney Stinson (ok no, Barney Stinson is awesome and no one can be him. EVER.)

The Eyeris Shoe Post!

WARNING: The following post is shockingly pointless. Please do not read it while eating your lunch.


First, Audrey did it. Then it was Cheesie.

So... I decided to jump on the bandwagon and do The Shoe Post Meme as well! (what d'ya mean it wasn't a meme?)

First up, the prerequisite picture of my shoe cabinet!



Yeah, most of my shoes can't really fit into the shoe cabinet, because it's full of mostly LL's shoes. Sigh. Oh well. On to my shoes then!

First up, my running shoes! I have a very fond history with running shoes. I used to be very very active in sports, and used to wear out my shoes REALLY REALLY fast, so I know something about buying sports/running shoes.

And needless to say, THIS particular pair wasnt a very good choice:



Everlast konon. Barely lasted me two months. Lucky it was only RM50 at a warehouse sale...

BTW, I hope you weren't eating your lunch when you looked at that pair of very dirty shoes. I went paintballing with it er.. 2 years ago and never washed it since hehe.

Anyway, after that particular pair started coming apart (literally), I went and bought myself a REAL pair of running shoes. A brand new pair of ASICS shoes!



As far as sports shoes are concerned, I ONLY buy ASICS shoes (this is not an ad). From personal experience, they last longer under wear and tear (compared to Nikes, which only LOOK good but are pretty crap when you use it for heavy duty athletics training day in and day out).

That extends to my badminton shoes as well!



Yup, ASICS also! These shoes can typically last me about a a year and a half, which is 150% longer than the Dragonfly Made In China badminton shoes I used to wear at school Y'know, the ones with green soles)

Can you tell the difference between running shoes and badminton shoes?



Anyway, on to my normal everyday-use shoes.

I bought this pair of Hush Puppies on sale for about RM80 last year, and they're REALLY REALLY comfy.



Best part is, I can wear them EVERYWHERE. To the office, to dinners, to parties, and even when I'm traveling. I can wear these shoes ALL DAY, and they even match my clothes! (which is mostly T-shirts and jeans anyway. Color matching? Huh?)

If I feel slightly more formal, I can always wear this pair of Timberland shoes:



You know how hard it is to find a nice pair of formal shoes you REALLY like? I almost NEVER get a pair I like, because I either hate the sole, or hate the design, or if the design is great, the color will be all wrong or they'll have ONE UGLY STRIP of stupid patterns that spoil the entire shoe.

Not this pair. Why? Well, I designed it myself! Timberland has this Design your Own Shoe booth in the Pavilion store, and I was asked to try it out last year. You could choose what sole, what color, what style, even what kind of laces you want the shoe to have.

My criteria was simple - everything black, with a LITTLE BIT of color around the sole. That's it. Perfect shoe! Can go with any T-shirt & jeans combo!

Don't play play, it even says 'Designed by MC' inside the shoe, ok!



I love that pair of shoes. I even wore it during my WEDDING, fer gods sake. Heck, I'm even considering making another par EXACTLY like it so I don't have to go through the hassle of looking for a new pair when this one gets worn out...

But all the shoes above pale in comparison with my FAVORITE PAIR OF SHOES EVER. It's the pair I wear the most, to everywhere and anywhere, it's long-lasting, durable, and it wasn't THAT expensive in the first place.

BEHOLD... THE GREATEST PAIR OF SHOES EVER MADE!



Look at the sleek elegance of the shoes! Look at the aerodynamics of its design! Look at how comfortable they are! ?And don't get me started on the wonderfully circulation of air your feet get when you wear them!

This particular pair of Tevas has lasted me two years, gone jungle trekking (in FRIM), shopping malls, around the world and back again, and can be worn on virtually occasion as long as your skin is thick enough!

If that doesn't make a great pair of shoes, I don't know WHAT will! Eh? What? those are sandals, not shoes? Ah phooey.

About nothing in particular

Breathe in, breathe out.
Breathe in, breathe out.
May is at an end and it was a doozy.
June is upon us and it's gonna be crazy.
Vodka beer vodka beer,
Some cognac in between but mostly beer.
And some traveling as well to do,
From Bali to Singapore to München and maybe Vienna too.
But first a lot of work to be done,
Some movies to watch and then some.
WORK WORK WORK SLOG SLOG SLOG
No time to waste on this silly thing called a blog
Oh who am I kidding I'll still update anyway,
If not you can follow me as I tweet merrily away.
Excuse me while I get back to work here.
(Hmm, or maybe I'll just go get a beer...)

Malaysian Idiot

MALAYSIAN IDIOT
(Sung to Green Day's American Idiot)

Verse #1:
Don't want to be an Malaysian idiot.
Don't want a nation controlled by the media.
And can you hear the political agenda?
The subliminal butt fucked Malaysia.

Chorus #1:
Welcome to a new court in session.
All across the anal nation.
Where everything isn't meant to be okay.
A sodomizing dreamer of tomorrow.
A loser who didn't pass motion.
Just remember to ask "can I fuck you?"

Verse #2:
Well maybe he's the faggot Malaysia.
He's just a part of a red flag agenda.
Now everybody do the propaganda,
And sing along to the password of 'Mokhtar'.

(Repeat Chorus 1)

Verse #3:
Don't want to be a Malaysian idiot.
1Malaysia without a free media.
An information minister loser,
Is calling out to idiot Malaysia.

Chorus #2:
Welcome to a new trend of passion.
All across the Twittering nation.
Where every joke is just meant to be yorais.
An information man of tomorrow.
Changing modes so no one can follow,
Not enough friends on Facebook.

Good Bye Noughties. I'll Miss You.

You can always tell when I'm holiday. I never update the blog. That's because I have better things to do than sit in front of the PC when I'm on holiday, godammit! (such as sitting in front of the TV playing Dragon Age: Origins on my XBox...)

Anyway, it's finally the end of 2009, and the Noughties. Wow, one whole decade has gone by in the 21st century.

Looking back at the decade, I can't believe how much I've been through in these ten years. I graduated from university (despite my best efforts to prolong the studying experience). Bummed around in Poland for half a year, doing social work and drinking a lot (I blame Poland for my alcoholic tendencies and for forcing me to acquire an insatiable taste for beer and vodka). Got a job at The Newspaper when I came back (which led to a lot of traveling, concert-going, movie-watching and meeting personal idols). Turned three decades old (which didn't suck as much as I thought it would). Finally moved out and got my own pad (I'm a big boy now, ma!). Started blogging (which I've been doing for half a decade now WTF).

Speaking of blogging, I've somehow managed to keep this blog semi-anonymous for almost five years. Those of you who have followed the blog all these years (THANKS!) and/or know me in real life would know that I have always been particularly anal about being anonymous on the blog. Heck, in the beginning, I even went to the extent of actually going around asking people not to link their pictures of me to my blog, AND wearing an Optimus Prime mask to the Nuffnang 1st Anniversary Party.

At first I did it because I didn't want my boss to find out I had a blog. Then when I found out that he knew about it anyway, I decided I'll keep it anonymous because it let me write about whatever I wanted outside of work. Then later down the road, when excerpts of my blog posts ended up in my work articles (and vice versa, to a lesser extent), I decided I would still stay anonymous because it seemed more fun that way (and I wanted to see if anyone would accuse Real-Life-Me of plagiarizing Blog-Me).

Nowadays though, I've been getting really lazy about this anonymous thingy. Most of you know who I am already anyway. And since I've been hanging out with those crazy bloggers so much these days, there is no way I'd be fully anonymous anymore. As for the 'don't want office to find out' excuse, with a certain femes colleague of mine already openly blogging/Twitting etc. etc. about anything he wanted, I figured, if HE could do it, why can't I?

So, slowly and surely, I started being less anal about being linked to pictures, even posting some myself here. People have even been using my actual name on their links these days, and so far, so good, I haven't been struck down by lightning or worse, gotten a cease and desist memo from anyone yet (touch wood).

So there ya go. In conjunction with the new decade, I now declare that Eye On Everything is no longer an anonymous blog. Doesn't mean I'm gonna be parading camwhore pictures. It's still gonna be pretty much the same as before - same ugly layout, same content, and basically the same nonsense.

Don't hold your breathe for endless camwhore picture posts or me actually publishing my name openly though. This is still eyeris.blogspot.com, not michaelcheang.com.

Oh, oops.

How To Get a Tummy Ache: An Expert Guide

Take one empty tummy.
Throw in six pieces of McDonald's Chicken McNuggets.
Add two gulps of Coca-Cola.
Sprinkle five fries on it,
Then mix in a whole cup of chocolate fudge sundae.
Dilute the mixture with a glass of vodka lime,
And then mix it all up with two hours of badminton.
After the game, add one glass of A&W Root Beer,
Two pieces of fried chicken,
And finally, garnish with two onion rings.
Voila! One tummyache special!
Serves one toilet bowl.

A New Song Scrap for a Radical Reborn Radioheadist

Hello everyone.
My name is eyeris.
And I'm a radical reborn Radioheadist.
It's been two years since my last new Radiohead song.



I've listen to all their songs.
I've sing out loud to In Rainbows in the car.
I've worn out my OK Computer CD.
I scour the interweb for rare Radiohead songs.
I even got my grubby little hands on this little film called:
Meeting People Is Easy (A Film by Grant Gee About Radiohead)
In a discount shop in Tokyo.


But it was not enough.
I needed something NEW.

Last night we Radical Reborn Radioheadists were thrown another scrap.
The band has a new song.
Released online.
It's called Harry Patch (In Memory Of)
Go read what Thom has to say about it.
And then download it HERE.
Not free though.
For ONE QUID.
Go get it.
At Dead Air Space.
Yes my fellow Radical Reborn Radioheadists.
You ARE a target market.